A writer with trauma

  I don't like my mother. She doesn't like me. She doesn't know me.  She sees herself as a child in me and I am a redhead, freckled and pale. She's a brunette with a tanned complexion.  But she is me. She's my image turned inwards. Believing she could get a second chance at love by making me love  her as a parent, as a friend, she acts humble and pleasing to me. Despite her lack of awareness and her complete astonishment about why I am not yet turning into a perfect version of  who she wants me to be, I still think she is important. She is important because she served the role of giving me life and making my skin thick. And that is enough for me to be able to write about our experiences together without 'bruising' too easily. I believe that the most important person in anyone's life is their mother. If their mother was absent or  too hurtful to be considered a nurturer, they will affect that person's life to a high degree. Therefore, even though ...

Photo by Elizaveta Dushech I recently realized the fact that narcissistic mothers don't see people as they are but as they want them to be.   Now, this sounds normal. We all do that. We all try to change people we are in a relationship with because we cannot accept them for who they are.  However, narcissists go beyond the habit of wanting to change someone in a relationship. They believe that the person they love/care about is someone else entirely. This is a phenomenon called 'splitting' and I learned about it from a support group I attend.  Splitting is a coping mechanism in which the person sees another person as either 'good' or 'bad', idealised or devalued. This process is done so that the personality-disordered individual can cope better with overwhelming emotions.  Therefore, if a narcissistic mother sees their child as bad, then they will easily conclude that the child needs punishment. The narcissistic mother then won't have to cater to the chi...